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The Whiskey Pines Journal, Est. 1888, Vox Domo, Richard Maxx Publisher
Vol. 101, No. 27Whiskey Pines, MichiganWednesday, July 6, 1988Established 1888Free

We Fixed the Beach. Try Not to Look Surprised.

There are moments in the life of a newspaper woman when she must admit that public officials have done something useful. I dislike beginning the week this way, but facts are facts and ink is ink.

The public beach has been raked. The barrel has been emptied. Four new boards have appeared in the stairs, along with a handrail that does not move when a person touches it. I personally tested this because journalism occasionally requires courage.

His Honor the mayor would like everyone to understand that the work had been scheduled all along. Naturally. It was apparently scheduled for the exact week after this newspaper described the beach as Whiskey Pines's front porch and suggested we stop storing dead fish on it.

I am not claiming influence. I am merely observing a coincidence so large it requires its own parking space.

Visitors were back on the sand by Saturday. Becky Hartwell sold out of cinnamon rolls before ten. The Pine Cone hung out its NO VACANCY sign. Lou Biscuit reports that three tourists asked where they could buy postcards of the dunes, which means somebody in town has finally found a way to sell people the scenery after they have already seen it.

So I offer His Honor my congratulations. Sincerely. Mostly.

Now about the bandstand.

On the Point

Tracks at the Dune Cave Deepen the Mystery

Fresh footprints, a missing length of rope, and another midnight light keep attention fixed on Maxx Point.

The unexplained boat reported in last week's Journal has returned to Maxx Point, and this time it left something behind.

Shortly after sunrise Monday, two sets of footprints were found in the wet sand below the old dune cave. One set led from the water toward the cave mouth. The second crossed it and disappeared among the scrub above the bluff. Neither trail was present late Sunday afternoon, according to fishermen who passed the point before dusk.

Also missing is approximately twenty feet of heavy rope kept beside the old boathouse for tying storm shutters. The Maxx household does not know when it vanished. Mrs. Martha Maxx said only that a person who steals rope should at least have the decency to steal something interesting.

Sheriff Miles Kincaid examined the shore Monday morning and again declined to speculate. He did confirm that the cave entrance showed signs of recent disturbance and asked residents not to enter the tunnels on their own.

The stranger who questioned Pine Cone guests about the old passages remains unidentified. The name entered in the motel register has produced no local connection.

The Journal repeats its earlier advice: there is no cause for alarm. There is, however, excellent cause for curiosity, and Whiskey Pines has never lacked that.

Anyone who saw a vehicle near Maxx Point Sunday night, particularly between ten and midnight, is asked to telephone the Journal or the sheriff's office. Anonymous information is accepted. So is coffee.

Continued next issue.

KENZIE'S KORNER

I have been informed that summer visitors are good for business. This may be true. Fleas are good for veterinarians, and no one puts up bunting for them.

The tourists have arrived with children, cameras, folding chairs, and the belief that every small white dog is public property.

I am not.

A lady may be admired at a respectful distance. She may be complimented. She may even, under favorable conditions, permit a brief touch behind the ears. What she may not be is scooped up by a stranger who announces, "Oh, she looks just like a little stuffed animal!"

I do not look like a stuffed animal. Stuffed animals do not remember faces.

Roxie says I should be welcoming because visitors pay for rooms, buy pie, and help keep the town alive. Very well. Welcome to Whiskey Pines. Spend freely. Tip Becky. Do not litter. Do not feed me anything without written authorization.

And if you must photograph me, get my good side.

They are both good sides, but standards matter.

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Pine Cone Motel, Vacancy Mostly

At the Booksellers: Needled Lies Is Here

A new Pines & Needles Paranormal Crafting Mystery by Roxie Maxx

Needled Lies by Roxie Maxx book cover

The Crafting Can Wait a Chapter

Put the kettle on. There’s fresh trouble at Pines & Needles, and I wouldn’t want you to hear it from anyone else.

A skein of lies is unraveling inside the Pines & Needles colony—and someone wants Roxie to stop pulling at the loose threads.

My new mystery, Needled Lies, is available now in Kindle and Paperback. Settle into your favorite chair and come back to Pines & Needles. Your unfinished projects will still be there when you return. Mine certainly are.

Buy Needled Lies on Amazon

Follow the link, then choose Kindle or Paperback on Amazon.

A Book That Can Live on the Page

The Journal experiments with a new way to read Quiet Treachery.

Quiet Treachery by Roxie Maxx, cover

Quiet Treachery: Read the mBoox Sample

Put the kettle on and step into Quiet Treachery. The finished mBoox sample is ready to read right here in the Journal, with turning pages and on-screen reading controls. Click inside the book below to begin, or choose Read Full Screen for a roomier view.

Because an mBoox is HTML-based, it can be displayed on a computer, tablet, television, or projector when the reading device is connected to that display. The projector supplies the picture; navigation remains with the connected phone, tablet, or computer and its supported controls.

For authors and publishers: Excalibur Productions can convert suitable books into mBoox editions designed for screen reading and presentation. Projection and mouse behavior depend on the reader device and connected hardware, so individual setups should be tested before advertising a specific projector as compatible.

Read the Quiet Treachery Sample

Read the sample below. Click inside the book to use its page-turn controls.

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Pines and Needles, come for the stitching stay for the gossip

Remarkable Places in Our Lower Peninsula

A reader need not leave the Lower Peninsula to stand at the top of the world, or near enough. Two hours and a little north of us, where the Lake Michigan shore climbs into the sky, lies Sleeping Bear Dunes, a stretch of perched sand that rises some 450 feet above the water and offers a view a person does not soon forget or fully describe.

The dunes take their name from an old Ojibwe story. A mother bear and her two cubs, the telling goes, fled a great fire across the lake in Wisconsin and swam for the Michigan shore. The mother reached it and climbed the bluff to wait. The cubs, smaller and tiring, did not, and the lake took them within sight of land. The Great Spirit raised the two as islands, North and South Manitou, and covered the grieving mother where she lay with a blanket of sand, the dune that keeps her name to this day.

The brave and the foolish climb the great Dune Climb on foot, which is easier going up than the legs will admit and harder coming down than pride allows. The Pierce Stocking Scenic Drive carries the rest of us by automobile to the same overlooks, where the lake spreads out in three shades of blue and the islands sit on the horizon exactly where the story left them.

Those who care for history will find more than a view. The old village at Glen Haven, with its weathered cannery and its dock, recalls the days when the steamers took on cordwood here, and the lighthouses up the shore have kept their long watch since long before any of us were born.

Take water. Take a hat. Take a child if you can borrow one, for the dunes were made for the question a child asks at the top, which is whether you can see clear to the other side. You nearly can.

Next issue, the Roving Correspondent turns east. Bring comfortable shoes.

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Crumb Cottage Bakery, Fresh Baked Daily

Advice, and a Little News You Did Not Ask For

Lorna Dune answers your letters every issue. Who Lorna Dune may be, the Journal does not say, and Lorna is not telling.

Dear Lorna, My husband has taken up fishing four mornings a week, which would please me more if he ever came home with a fish. Where is he? Hopeful on Hubbard Street

Dear Hopeful, Where indeed. I will say only that the coffee at the Anchor is excellent at six in the morning, the company is entirely male, and the fish, by all accounts, are winning. A man bent on misbehavior would not pick a hobby that requires worms. Pack him a bigger lunch and let the lake keep him humble.

Dear Lorna, A certain neighbor borrowed my good casserole dish in March and has not returned it. I can see it on her windowsill. How do I ask for it back without starting a war? Dishless on Dune Road

Dear Dishless, You do not ask. You admire. At the next Aid meeting, in a carrying voice, you remark how generous you have always been with your things, and you watch the dish come home by Friday wrapped in a tea towel that is also, I happen to know, yours. I will name no names. I will only say that a certain lady whose initials rhyme with May Belle might look to her own cupboard before she lends out other people's.

Dear Lorna, Is it true the mayor is buying a new car? Curious by the Courthouse

Dear Curious, It is true the old one was seen at the body shop, and true that His Honor was seen at the bank, and I leave you to the arithmetic the rest of us finished days ago. A man who cannot keep a beach raked can somehow keep a Buick in the manner to which it has grown accustomed. You did not hear it from me. You never do.

From the Bleachers

The men's softball league closed its season Saturday with the Biscuit Hardware nine taking the title from Cornpone's Bakery, eleven to seven, on a field that had seen better grooming and before a crowd that had seen better umpiring. Both were forgiven by the second inning. The hardware men carried home the trophy, the same trophy they will hand back in May, the way they always do.

A word for the bakers, who played their hearts out and their bullpen down to Cornelius himself, who pitched the ninth in an apron still dusted with flour. Coach has watched worse mechanics on younger men. Effort, gentlemen, is never out of season.

Bowling opens Friday at the Anchor, where the standings reset and hope, as ever, runs well ahead of average. The hardware men are again the team to beat, which in bowling means little, and Coach will say no more.

The fall fishing derby weighs in Saturday at the public dock, weather permitting and the lake cooperating, which it has not lately been inclined to do. Last year's winner, who shall remain modest since he will not, is rumored to be wearing the same lucky hat and telling the same unlucky stories.

A reminder that deer season is upon us, and with it the yearly migration of able-bodied men into the woods and out of the choir, the supper rotation, and the reach of their wives. Coach takes no position. Coach notes only that the Methodist roof fund always does its best business in November.

Play hard. Play fair. Help the young fellows up when you put them down. We will see you at the lanes.

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The Anchor and Biscuit Hardware, Lou Biscuit Proprietor

News from the Churches of Whiskey Pines

The season of suppers is upon us, and the steeples of Whiskey Pines are once again in friendly competition for the town's Thursdays and its appetite.

First Methodist opens the calendar with its harvest supper Friday, proceeds to the roof fund, which readers of the sporting pages will know is gaining on its goal one deer season at a time. The Rev. Halloran promises ham, scalloped potatoes, and a Sunday sermon on the parable of the talents, which he notes is also, in its way, about the roof.

St. Anne's holds its autumn rummage sale Saturday in the parish hall. Father Dominic asks that donations arrive clean, folded, and free of the mice that attended last year's table. The proceeds will go to the food pantry, which, the good father observes, unlike certain parishioners, does not keep what it cannot use.

The Reformed congregation on Vandermeer Street will hold its koffie en koek after the morning service, and all are welcome, though Mrs. TenHave wishes it understood that the recipe for the almond banket is not, and never will be, available. The choir resumes Wednesday, two sopranos short and looking.

The Lutherans, quietly, fed forty people last week and told no one, which is the most Lutheran sentence this paper has printed all year.

A reminder that the Thanksgiving union service rotates this year to First Methodist, where the four congregations will share one roof, one hour, and as much harmony as the sopranos can manage. All are cordially invited, and supper, mercifully, is potluck. Bring a dish. Bring two. Lorna Dune will be watching whose comes home empty.

Social Notes

Mrs. Opal Jensen entertained her niece from Grand Rapids over the holiday and has now recovered sufficiently to speak of it.

Becky Hartwell introduced a blueberry buckle at Crumb Cottage Saturday. By nine-thirty there was neither buckle nor blueberry left to investigate.

The Tuesday quilting circle met at Maxx House and completed twelve blocks, two hems, and a remarkably detailed reconstruction of a marriage proposal none of the people present actually witnessed.

Lou Biscuit has painted the front window of the hardware store. The town congratulates him and asks when he intends to remove the newspaper from the inside.

A pleasant week was enjoyed by nearly everyone, and the others have written Lorna Dune.

Birthday Greetings

The Journal extends its felicitations to Mrs. Bernice Holt, who says seventy is merely fifty with evidence; young Eddie Pruitt, eleven, who requests that the paper spell his name correctly this year; Mr. Cal Petrie, harbormaster, who celebrated at the dock because the lake declined to come to him; and Miss Della Mae Rourke, whose age remains a private matter and whose lemon cake does not.

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The Whiskey Pines Journal, Job Printing of Every Description, 1888 to 1988

Obituaries

Walter J. Koski, eighty-three, of Lakeview Road, died Tuesday at Allegan General after a brief illness. A retired millwright at the old paper mill and a fixture of the Anchor's morning bench, Mr. Koski was known for weather predictions that proved correct often enough to be feared, and for a workshop that held one of everything and the location of none of it. He is survived by Helen, his wife of fifty-nine years; three children; and a great many grandchildren who knew him as the man with the licorice. Services Friday at First Methodist. The family asks that memorials go to the roof fund.

Mrs. Geneva Vander Wal, seventy-eight, passed Sunday at her home, surrounded by her family and the quilts she had made for each of them. For thirty years the organist at the Reformed church, Mrs. Vander Wal played every wedding and funeral the town required, and a few rehearsals it did not, purely for the love of the instrument. The community extends its sympathy.

Whiskey Pines 50 Years Ago

From the morgue of the Whiskey Pines Journal. Fifty years ago this very week, these pages recorded the evening Mrs. Roxanne Maxx gave the Maxx House light to the town. The light burns yet.

Mrs. Maxx Gives the Light to the Town

Tower Lamp Restored and Dedicated to the Safety of the Lake; the Whole Town Turns Out on the Bluff

Mrs. Roxanne Maxx presented the Maxx House light to the people of Whiskey Pines on the evening of Saturday, the eighth of October, dedicating the tower lamp to the safety of every vessel on the lake and lighting it herself before a crowd that filled the bluff and spilled down the lawn to the water.

The lamp had stood dark since midsummer for repair. Restored now, with a new lens carried up the spiral stair by four men who will not soon volunteer for such duty again, it was lighted at dusk to a silence the Journal can describe only as the whole town holding its breath, and then declining to hold it any longer.

"The lake has carried a great deal past this point over the years," Mrs. Maxx told the gathering, in remarks that were brief, as her remarks are. "It seems only neighborly to help it see where it is going." She did not elaborate, and the Journal, mindful of its manners, did not inquire.

The Ladies' Aid served coffee and a quantity of cake that argued real planning. The town band played twice through its repertoire, which is to say it played four songs. The Rev. Ainsley offered a blessing upon the light and upon all who steer by it, and was heard to add, more quietly, a word for those who in years past steered by it with their curtains drawn.

Among those present were members of the Steeplepuss family, whose long acquaintance with Mrs. Maxx the Journal will characterize only as eventful, and who were, on this evening, all courtesy and good wishes. Mr. Steeplepuss admired the new lens at length. Mrs. Maxx thanked him for coming, twice, in a tone that closed the subject.

The gift comes as the traffic on the lake changes its character. Where the harbor once received cargo of a private sort, it fills now with fishing parties and the excursion launches that bring summer visitors up from the south, and the town, which has learned to make its living from the season, was glad of a beacon it may mention in the brochures.

Sheriff Cobb, applied to for a word, allowed that a lighted coast was a lawful coast, and left it there.

The lamp will be kept burning nightly through the season and the winter to follow, Mrs. Maxx said, for as long as the Pines have a lake to watch over. A pleasant evening was enjoyed by all, and the light, by every account, may be seen as far as the Otsego road.

Whiskey Pines Chuckles comic strip

The Whiskey Pines Crossword

All twenty-four answers are drawn from these pages and the world they cover. The answer key appears on the last page.

Whiskey Pines crossword puzzle grid

Across

  1. Crumb Cottage ___ (6)
  2. Lou Biscuit's tavern, The ___ (6)
  3. Underground passage, the town's open secret (6)
  4. Church top; the old "Among the ___s" (7)
  5. The mayor's car, favoring a hydrant (5)
  6. What His Honor will not rake (5)
  7. Roxie's column, ___ , upper left on the front page (7)
  8. Lou ___, of the Anchor and the hardware (7)
  9. Surname at the house with the light (4)
  10. Beacon Mrs. Roxanne gave the town in 1938 (10)
  11. His Honor, target of two columns (5)
  12. Lorna Dune's writing tool (5)
  13. Fall fishing ___ (5)

Down

  1. Sand hill; or advice-giving Lorna ___ (4)
  2. Telepathic Bichon with her own Korner (6)
  3. Pine Cone ___ (5)
  4. Pines and Needles visiting day (7)
  5. Michigan, the Great ___ (4)
  6. Whiskey ___, Michigan (5)
  7. Kenzie's accessory in her logo (7)
  8. Maxx who is "Everything Else" here (5)
  9. Kenzie's breed, a ___ Frise (6)
  10. Cornelius ___, baker and town historian (8)
  11. Stay for the ___ (Pines and Needles) (6)

Classified Advertisements

Three lines, fifty cents. Leave your notice at the Journal office, or with Arlene at the post office, who will have read it first in any case.

For Sale

Davenport, good condition, floral, smells faintly of a cat we no longer discuss. Reasonable. Inquire after six.

Aluminum fishing boat, twelve foot, one careful owner and one careless brother-in-law; you will know the difference when you see it.

Upright piano, free to a good home with strong friends and a wide door. Not tuned since the Carter administration, and neither have I.

Wanted

Casserole dish, white with a blue rim, last seen leaving the Methodist supper in March. No questions, mostly.

Reliable young person to rake a beach. See the mayor. Bring your own rake; he will not have thought of that.

Lost and Found

FOUND: one umbrella, ladies', ruffled, small enough for a dog. Claim it at the Journal office by describing the attitude with which it was carried.

LOST: my patience, somewhere between the hardware store and the third item on my list. If found, kindly keep it; you need it more than I did.

Services

Mending, hemming, and discreet listening. Pines and Needles, on the lake road, Onesday only. Cats and husbands by arrangement.

Will haul, fix, or talk you out of nearly anything. Lou, at the hardware. Closed during the game.

Notices

The Tuesday quilting circle meets at Maxx House, weather and Martha permitting. New hands welcome; strong opinions optional but inevitable.

Whoever has been leaving zucchini on porches after dark is asked, with love, to stop. The town surrenders. We cannot eat any more. All are cordially uninvited.

Letters to the Editor

The Journal welcomes letters on any subject of common interest, kept civil and reasonably brief. Send them to the editor at kim@roxiemaxx.com. We reserve the gentle right to trim.

On the paper's hundredth year. To the Editor: I have taken this paper since I was old enough to be trusted with the funny pages, and my mother before me, and I wished to say only that a town is fortunate to have a paper that has lasted a hundred years and never once gotten above itself. Long may it run, and may the ink stay cheap. Sincerely, a reader on Lakeview Road.

On the geese. To the Editor: I write to report that the geese have once again claimed the green by the bandstand as their own, and conduct themselves there with a confidence the rest of us can only admire. I do not ask that anything be done, for I have met the geese. I ask only that visitors be warned, and that the band consider a livelier number to move them along. Yours, stepping carefully on Second Street.

A word of thanks. To the Editor: I wish to thank the neighbors who quietly filled my woodshed and my refrigerator during my recent illness, and who asked for nothing in return but to be allowed to help. I am much better now, and comfortably outnumbered by casseroles. Bless you all. Gratefully, a recovering man on Birch Street.

The Journal thanks its readers, and reminds them that a letter kindly written is twice as likely to be printed and three times as likely to be believed.

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The Whiskey Pines Crossword, Solved

The answer key to this issue's puzzle. No peeking until you have suffered properly.

Whiskey Pines crossword answer key

The Whiskey Pines Journal  ·  Vox Domo  ·  Richard Maxx, Publisher  ·  Roxie Maxx, Everything Else  ·  Established 1888

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